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21 July 2010 @ 01:53 am
Original Post Date: December 21, 2009  
How Sasuke And Naruto Became Friends authorial commentary!

Warnings: Language, gay, Sasuke not being enough of an asshole in my head (it's passable characterization, right? Right?), too few speaking roles for characters who aren't Sasuke and Naruto. And, if you're still here, it's also high school AU. (Wow, I've never driven away my entire audience with warnings alone before!) Also, I've never actually watched DVD commentary. But I have read a few fic-versions! :D And by a few, I mean literally two.
Pairings: Sasuke/Naruto. A few mentions of background pairings, as well (Yamato/Kakashi, Gaara/Lee, All-the-girls-but-Hinata/Neji, Hinata/Naruto, Fanclub/Sasuke).
Rating: PG. For language. To be fair, it's a high school AU and I like profanity. A lot. In retrospect, there was also a lot more language than I remember, too.
Notes: For anyone who can't guess or doesn't remember, or who likes just perusing unfamiliar fandoms, it starts with that scene where Sakura bitches about Naruto being annoying because he has no parents. Also, I know all of... nothing about the Japanese school system, so if it seems vague or inaccurate, that's because it is. And every fucking flashback ever involving Sasuke and Naruto in the series involves flashing back to the accidental kiss. Also, given that your average comm has a preferred style for posting stuff, my Warnings/Pairings/Rating/Notes format got totally fucking ignored. I would not be surprised if this is the first time that you, the reader, are seeing this version.

How Naruto And Sasuke Became Friends. Or, The Gods Have Chosen The Accidental Kiss As Their Running Gag.

"Tch, you're annoying," Sasuke said, turning away.

Sakura's face fell. Her shoulders slumped. Her lip trembled.

Suddenly, someone tapped Sasuke's shoulder. He turned just in time to meet a fist flying toward his jaw.

"What did you say to her?" Naruto snarled.

Sasuke staggered, nearly losing his balance. He would not kill dead last. He would not kill dead last. The words became a mantra.

"N-no, Naruto, it's--" Sakura protested. She averted her eyes, suddenly finding her feet very interesting. "I'm sorry."

"Whaaat?" Naruto asked, turning his back on Sasuke. "Why are you apologizing? Didn't this bastard just make you cry?"

"Are you fucking serious, dead last?" Sasuke snapped. "You missed the entire conversation."

"Oh, yeah? Well, it wasn't hard to put together, asshole. Sakura-chan looked like she was going to cry and you were just walking away," Naruto replied, crossing his arms and nodding.

Sasuke resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Naruto, it's alright," Sakura interrupted.

"Tch." Sasuke walked away.

Naruto's eyes darted from one to the other and back several times, confused.

The original idea for this fic was just this--an AU where Naruto walked in on that conversation. And then, somehow, my wrist had a disagreement with my brain, and I wrote a high school AU instead.


"Hey, hey, bastard!" Naruto called. Sasuke could hear his footsteps thudding on the pavement. He kept walking, which was, as expected, completely ineffectual. For the second time that day, Naruto grabbed his shoulder, spinning him to face the moron. Sasuke brought up a hand to block this time, catching...

Nothing. Naruto wasn't trying to hit him again.

Sasuke lowered his hand.

Even in a ninja-less world, my headcanon maintains that Sasuke and Naruto could still kick most people's asses. Naturally, Sasuke maintains ninja-like reflexes.

"Sorry about earlier," Naruto said, fidgeting with the hem of his uniform shirt with his free hand. His cheeks were slightly pink, and he refused to meet Sasuke's eyes. Sasuke was acutely aware of how warm Naruto's hand on his shoulder felt. "Sakura-chan told me what happened." His eyes flickered to the sky, the ground, then finally settled on Sasuke. "Thanks."

I almost cut all the fidgeting--because since when does Naruto fidget? But I left it. I like it this way--with Naruto looking up at the end, confident as always.

"Hn," Sasuke replied. He began to walk away before the moment developed any more blatant homosexual undertones. As if Naruto molesting him in class a few days previous hadn't provided them with enough of that to last a lifetime.

In an interview with Sasuke (Really, Kishimoto, but Kishimoto answering as Sasuke, the source for which is surprisingly difficult to find) this exchange was shared:
Q. Naruto-kun sees you as a rival but what about you?
A. Naruto eh ... ? At first I thought he was just a moron who gets in the way but frankly he's been impressing me lately, just a little bit.
Q. What did the kiss with Naruto taste like? Lemon?
A. Hmmm ... Like Miso I guess ... I mean ... like I remember! Damn Naruto, why would he do that?!
Assuming it's not an error in the translation (which I will freely admit is possible), no one told Sasuke that the whole incident was an accident. I'm claiming The Incident as the moment of Sasuke's gay revelation in this fic, though it's never explicitly stated.

"What, that's it?" Naruto demanded, walking faster to catch up.

"Did you have something else to say?" Sasuke replied, taking a right at the school gates.

"No," Naruto snapped. He kept walking beside Sasuke for a minute. "Wait. Um. How's your jaw?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "What are you, my girlfriend?" That's right, Uchiha, he told himself. Bring the blatant homosexual undertones to the surface. That will make everything better.

"Fine," Naruto growled, looking away, cheeks pink again. "See if I care."

Sasuke barely suppressed his sudden urge to sigh loudly. He stopped Naruto, facing him head-on, then turning his head a bit farther to the right so that Naruto could see his face.

Naruto looked like Sasuke had punched him. "Shit," he hissed, raising his hand, then remembering himself and pulling back. "Does it hurt?"

"Yes it fucking hurts," Sasuke snarled. "No," he amended upon seeing Naruto's wounded look. "Only if I touch it. It looks worse than it is."

"Sorry," Naruto repeated.

Sakura was a fucking idiot, Sasuke decided. "Hn," Sasuke replied, continuing his trek to his house. Naruto walked in companionable silence beside him for a few minutes. It was strange seeing the class clown so quiet for more than a few seconds at a time. Even when he slept in class, he still snored like a buzz-saw.

"Don't you..." Sasuke began, acutely aware that if he managed to phrase the question wrong, he could completely destroy any credibility he had built with Naruto at lunch.

"What?" Naruto prompted.

"Don't you have something to do besides stalk me?" Sasuke asked, fairly sure that was one of those totally wrong ways to phrase the question.

Naruto shrugged. "It's not like anyone is waiting for me at the house."

"Stop that," Sasuke told him.

"What?" Naruto's face reverted to his Sasuke-only scowl.

"That... kicked-puppy look," Sasuke babbled. "Stop making that face." His cheeks began to feel strange. Warm. Oh, fuck, he thought. I am not blushing over that idiot.

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "What kicked-puppy look?"

"The face you make that makes you look like you are a puppy I just kicked," Sasuke replied through clenched teeth. This was officially the stupidest conversation he had ever led himself into, he decided.

I almost cut this, too, because it doesn't seem very much like something Sasuke would say--he's usually much more eloquent and snarky, but I left it because it gave a definite feeling of "everyone speaks first draft" which I don't normally have a problem writing, and it gave me a chance to poke fun at emo!Naruto. And Sasuke. And who doesn't love to poke fun at emo!Naruto and Sasuke?

Naruto stopped walking, staring at the sky with a pensive look on his face. He jogged to catch up a few seconds later. "Are you admitting to kicking puppies?"

Sasuke did not stop walking and pound his head against the nearest solid surface, though it took a great effort. "No," he managed. "that is not what I meant."

"Good. 'Cause befriending you only to find out you kick puppies in your free time would suck. But, it wouldn't be all that surprising," he added after a beat.

Admit it. Everyone at some point has wondered if Sasuke kicks puppies.

"Since when are we friends?" Sasuke replied. He couldn't help himself. His Uchiha barrier of silence broke sometime ago, the shrapnel taking out his brain-to-mouth filter on the way down.

I have mad, irrational love for the imagery here. I don't know why. Naruto obviously has a barrier of silence/brain-to-mouth filter scrambler on his person somewhere.

"Look, I'm sorry I punched you in the face," Naruto began, obviously ready to continue into a speech about the power of friendship overcoming stupid little things like greeting a new friend with a fist to the face.

"Stop apologizing, I told you, I'm fine." Sasuke stopped walking in front of an ordinary house with a waist-high fence around the yard. "This is my house."

Naruto hesitated for a second. "Oh. Well, thanks, and I'm sor--I mean. Uh."

"Come on," Sasuke opened the gate, waiting for Naruto to go in.

"Are you sure?" Naruto's eyes darted around, as if expecting someone to attack, or push him back, or slam the gate in his face. Sasuke tried not to think about the implications of what could cause that kind of paranoia in an otherwise friendly individual.

"Whatever," Sasuke said, walking through the gate. "It's not like I have to ask for anyone's approval to let you in." He chanced a brief look back to find Naruto still hovering at the gate.

"Shut the gate on your way in," Sasuke called, reaching into his bag for his keys.

Sasuke heard the gate swing shut, followed by the sound of feet hitting earth as Naruto jogged to catch up.

Naruto was quiet again, which was weird, but at least he was still smiling. "Are you hungry?" Sasuke asked, remembering his manners as he turned the key, pushing the door open.

"A bit," Naruto admitted. He followed Sasuke inside, slipping his shoes off by Sasuke's. "Got any ramen?"

Sasuke made his way to the tiny kitchen, pulling an apple out of his fruit bowl. "I have fruits and vegetables."

"How can you live on fruits and vegetables?" Naruto demanded, tossing his school bag to the side.

"Healthily," Sasuke replied. He tossed a second apple to Naruto, who caught it with ease.

Naruto stared at it in his hand for a second before biting into the fruit. "Hey," he exclaimed, mouth still full of half-chewed apple. "This doesn't suck."

"Don't look so surprised, moron."


Sasuke finished his work from Kakashi's and Orochimaru's classes while Naruto took advantage of the satellite TV. Sasuke could only assume that Naruto did not have quite the selection Sasuke did--most of them were news channels, anyway, in case something popped up about Itachi--but there were enough of the regular ones, as well.

I don't know what Kakashi teaches, but Orochimaru definitely teaches a health-based science. Biology or Human Anatomy, or both.

And since Naruto has no Kyuubi in this 'verse, Itachi never came out of the shadows, Sasuke never followed him, and his desire for revenge has... if not faded, at least fallen into the background, ready to be renewed if he ever meets Itachi.

Naruto settled on a movie marathon, largely consisting of the kind of old movies made with a projector and a few tricks with smoke and mirrors to make the ghosts. Sasuke remembered he was supposed to be working on an essay for Orochimaru when Naruto glanced his way, meeting his eyes. He had been staring. "I don't know how you can stand that, dead-last," Sasuke said, jabbing the end of his pencil toward the TV.

"You're doing homework on a Friday afternoon, bastard," Naruto replied, managing to make 'homework' and 'Friday afternoon' sound like serious insults to Sasuke's sanity and possibly that of his parents, as well. 'Bastard' sounded suspiciously affectionate. Sasuke chalked that up to wishful thinking and went back to his essay.

Somewhere about halfway through the second movie, Naruto stood, stretching and casting uncertain looks at the door. "So--" he began.

Have you ever been at someone's house and you get bored, but you don't want to be rude, so you offer to leave? Because I am so socially retarded, I feel like doing that all the time.

Sasuke set his essay and textbook to the side. The first draft was done--that would be enough. He had two more days to work on it, after all. "Do you want to stay for dinner?" he offered. The house suddenly didn't feel as empty or imposing as usual with Naruto around.

Naruto grinned. "Sure," he said. "You want me to help you cook?"

"Are you as much of an idiot in the kitchen as in class?" Sasuke challenged. He was already running through recipes in his head, searching for something bigger, more complicated. Naruto liked ramen, but not vegetables--that much everyone knew, so maybe a soup?

"Hey! I am awesome in the kitchen I can--Uh, I can make ramen?" he finished lamely.


Naruto was not, in fact, as bad as Sasuke had expected. He was good enough with a knife, and seemed to be a good cook as long as the recipe was within sight.

Being good with a knife is an obvious nod to his past life as a ninja. Because, y'know, all ninja are good with knives.

They cleaned up afterward in companionable silence. Naruto washed the dishes while Sasuke boxed up the leftovers, and then started drying and putting away the dishes.

I originally had Naruto drying and putting away the dishes, but since it's Sasuke's house, he wouldn't know where the dishes go. XD

When they were done and Sasuke's kitchen once more looked immaculate, they took their positions on the couch and resumed the movie marathon. Sasuke did not think about the domesticity of the situation, or how calm Naruto seemed around him. There was nothing about it to read into. It was just a quiet kind of day--that was all.

Sasuke leaned on the arm rest, propping himself up and pulling his legs up on the couch. He began to drift off, and was very near falling asleep when one foot slipped, accidentally nudging Naruto.

Naruto jumped, plastering himself against the opposite corner of the couch.

Sasuke blinked at him, suddenly awake and alert.

"Geez, don't do that!" Naruto sighed loudly.

"You're not actually afraid of this movie," Sasuke said. Maybe if he said it out loud, that would make it true, because he could not seriously be afraid of this movie.

Naruto crossed his arms. "No," he said.

Liar, Sasuke thought. He could see through the ghost. Sasuke was fairly sure he could make a scarier movie in his back yard. the actors weren't even good. Will to sleep entirely lost, Sasuke got up, heading for the linen closet in his bathroom. He picked up a blanket, then one of his spare pillows, coming back to find Naruto huddled in his corner of the couch, terrified of the ghost on the screen. He jumped again when Sasuke tossed the pillow at him.

This is a nod to the anime's filler where Naruto is revealed to be afraid of ghosts. It hasn't been contested in the manga, and I thought it was a cute thing to throw in, so I did. <3

"What's that for?" Naruto glared at Sasuke.

"It's 8 o' clock," Sasuke replied, gesturing to the clock on the wall. "If you go now you'll just jump at every shadow."

"I will not!" Naruto protested. "But, uh. Thanks. Again." He blushed again, a darker shade than earlier in the day.

These are not the blatant homosexual undertones you are looking for, Sasuke told himself. They were just good friends hanging out. Except, he reminded himself, until just a few hours ago, they hadn't been friends at all. He set the blanket on the middle cushion, reclaiming his seat on the opposite end of the couch.

If I had used the Blatant Homosexual Undertones past here, I had planned to name this fic "B.H.U." with a subtitle about "don't you wish you had more" or something. Since I didn't add more, a proper subtitle was never developed.


Sasuke woke up the next morning with sunlight assaulting his face, which was decidedly a new and annoying occurrence. The next thing he noticed was that he was warm, and his blanket was too heavy. His side felt wet, too.

Sasuke noticed an arm around his waist and Naruto's face on his ribs, drool leaking out of his mouth. He took in the blanket over them both and the pillow on the floor at about the same time he noticed the crick in his neck.

It was Saturday, Sasuke remembered. He resolved to work all of this out later. He closed his eyes and assumed a slightly more comfortable position for his neck.


Sasuke woke up again when he felt movement. Naruto was waking up.

Another Sasuke-is-still-a-ninja thing: he's an incredibly light sleeper. Almost like he's waiting for an attack, or something. >.>

Sasuke's entire right side screamed for the absence of heat, particularly the spot on his shirt where Naruto had drooled. He fixed Naruto with a sleepy glare.

Naruto laughed, pausing mid-chuckle to yawn, before resuming his laughter. "You look like an angry cat."

Sasuke tried to come up with a witty retort, like "Are you admitting to pissing off a lot of cats?" but he failed, only managing "Tch," and a yawn.

"Oh~," Naruto moaned. The sound went straight to Sasuke's groin. "Is that coffee?"

"It's on a timer," Sasuke replied.

Naruto fell onto Sasuke's side again, sort-of hugging him. "You are my favorite person ever," he declared. "Where are the coffee mugs?"

Sasuke's eyes fluttered closed at the rumble of Naruto's chest. Fuck, he thought. Fuck. "Above the sink," he replied aloud.

"Thanks, bastard," Naruto chirped, bouncing off the couch and toward the kitchen.

"Hn," Sasuke replied, not trusting himself to say more. He remembered his manners once he was in the safety of his own room. "You can use the shower in the other bathroom," he called. He heard a vague affirmative noise as he stripped in his own bathroom.


Naruto stood in Sasuke's kitchen, wearing nothing but a towel and the kind of phallic necklace the principal had given him. He took a sip of coffee before he noticed Sasuke.

Don't get me wrong, I love the necklace Tsunade gives Naruto--it is, in fact, my favorite accessory on the show, but guys. Does this remidn you of anything? ...I may have intentionally chose the cover of 411 for extra gay subtext. >.>

Sasuke kept his expression carefully blank. Maybe if he was lucky Naruto would continue to be oblivious and utterly fail to notice that Sasuke had been staring.

He did notice. "Oh, do you have something I could wear? I could put on my uniform again, I guess, but it's a little gross, and I don't really want to wear it on a Saturday."

"I don't have anything in hideous orange," Sasuke warned. He moved next to Naruto to pour himself a cup of coffee, proud that he neither tried to shove Naruto against the counter and grind, nor tried to choke the blond moron for drinking most of the coffee.

I'm sure not all of Naruto's clothing is orange, either, but being the noticeable color it is, it's probably still the color most people associate with him.

"Orange is not hideous!" Naruto protested. His coffee was about half-milk.

Sasuke took great pleasure in the disgusted face Naruto made when he drank his own black. He made a skeptical "hn," and waved Naruto toward his room.


Sasuke reflected that it was fortunate that he preferred loose clothing. He was taller than Naruto, but Naruto had broader shoulders, wider hips. It took a while to find something he could wear.

The result was Naruto in a t-shirt and long pajama bottoms, his toes peeking out from under the edges. It was oddly pleasing to see him out of his school uniform, but even more so that he was wearing Sasuke's clothes.

Does anyone else get super excited about the canon when they change clothes? Because I don't even care if it's just Naruto unzipping his jacket. Seeing anything but the orange jumpsuit starts to look really awesome after a while. XD And I like the orange jumpsuit.

Sasuke took another sip of his coffee, the bitter taste drawing his attention back to reality and the sheer joy of coffee in the morning.

"So, what now?" Naruto asked, rubbing the back of his head. "I'm, uh, not used to hanging out with people on Saturdays."

Sasuke shrugged. "Neither am I." More coffee. God, Naruto was spending the day with him.

"I could go home if I'm bothering you, or--um..." Naruto scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

Sasuke took another sip of coffee to stop himself from blurting out "No!" embarrassingly. "You know, I bet I could kick your ass."

One of my favorite things about this ship is the complete social retardation. Both boys are such dorks.

Naruto snorted. "You're on. I'll be sure not to hit your pretty face again." He patted Sasuke's uninjured cheek, heading for the front yard.

And because they're not just socially retarded, they're Sasuke and Naruto the best way for them to resolve anything. Or hang out. Or, y'know, prove their friendship, is a fist fight.

Sasuke scowled until he was gone.

The implication was that he smiled as soon as Naruto was out of sight, but saying it like that sounded silly, so I cut that.


A crowd gathered quickly enough. Neither of them was going all out. The fight was for fun--not a proper brawl for honor or anger. They would still have bruises by the end of the day--sore muscles by tomorrow.

It may have been more helpful to mention that the fence at Sasuke's house is waist-high, but I never mentioned that and by the time it occurred to me, 15 people had already commented this fic, so I was like "fuck it. D:<"

"What's going on?" a voice in the crowd called. Sakura's, Sasuke thought. She sounded concerned. He blocked a kick with his own leg.

Um, for the record, she's totally concerned for Naruto, too, not just Sasuke. She's kind of blaming herself for them fighting again. She totally feels bad.

Naruto momentarily lost his footing. It was the slightest misstep. Sasuke grabbed his flailing arm, jerking Naruto toward Sasuke's own fist.

Naruto swung to the side, relying on Sasuke for balance. Sasuke fell from the momentum of the movement, but held on, dragging Naruto to the ground on top of him.

I want you to know that this came out a lot smoother in my head. There's totally a reason I don't write action scenes.

It made accidental kiss number two. No tongue darted out to lick his lips this time out of a nervous and stupid reflex. This was going to start looking like an actual relationship any day now, Sasuke realized with horror.

In the above-mentioned interview with Kishimoto, Sasuke remembered what Naruto tasted like. Miso, in case you didn't catch that. This implies that there was tongue in the last kiss (or that Naruto had possibly recently eaten, but seriously, fangirling here, I'm totally going with the it-involved-tongue theory). So I threw in that comment about the nervous habit/reflex to explain that in my head.


"Hey, asshole!" Naruto called down the hallway.

"Naruto," Iruka said in his motherly you-better-not-be-cursing-in-my-hallway-again tone.

"Ah, sorry Iruka-sensei. Hey, Sasuke, you bastard," Naruto amended.

Behind him, Iruka is not appeased, because "bastard" is not very much better than "asshole" in a hallway. Or, that's how it is at my school, anyway. >.>

Sasuke shut his locker with more force than was entirely necessary. "I heard you the first time, dead last."

Naruto waved this off like so many of Sakura's insults to his intelligence and masculinity. "Whatever, can you get your stalker club of stalkers to quit fucking following me?" He stood closer than his volume warranted, and his voice was, at best, a stage whisper. Several girls nearby gasped in offense at his words.

And by "stalker club of stalkers" he means two freshmen girls spent their morning whispering and very unsubtly following him. It could have been Konohamaru in drag with Moegi for all Naruto knows.

Sasuke leaned closer, fully aware of how much subtlety the gesture lacked, and whispered into the shell of Naruto's ear, "Moron, they think you're competition. I am never telling them otherwise." Sasuke smirked, walking away.

Naruto stared into space for a moment, a pensive look on his face, before shouting after Sasuke, "Competition? What the hell's that supposed to mean? Hey, asshole, I'm talking to you!"

Across the hall, Iruka sighed, raising a hand to massage the bridge of his nose.

I don't actually know what Iruka teaches, either. A core class, probably. Some kind of history, maybe?


"Sakura-chan~! I don't know what to do," Naruto wailed. He dragged a chair to Sakura's table, leaving a screeching sound in his wake as the legs of the chair scraped against the floor. He was technically interrupting Sakura's weekly meet with the other girls, which she had explicitly forbade he do. Several times.

Naruto would totally be that asshole who would loudly, obnoxiously scrape a chair against the lunchroom tile, leaving a screech like nails on chalkboard.

But this was a desperate situation!

"Well, spill it, Naruto. Trouble in paradise?" Ino asked.

Naruto frowned. Ino did not talk to him. None of the girls talked to him but Sakura. Hinata stammered at him sometimes, but that didn't really count. "Sasuke won't call off his legion because he says they think I'm competition."

I actually do like Hinata, too, but my love for her and the NaruHina ship GREATLY decreased after the great wank left in the wake of the Pain arc.

Tenten raised an eyebrow. "You are competition, aren't you?"

"What the hell does that even mean?" Naruto demanded.

"It means that they think you're closer to winning Sasuke's heart than they are," the exchange student from Suna replied. Tem--something. Temari, maybe? Something like that, Naruto decided.

The implications of that sunk in. Naruto gasped in horror. "Sakura-chan, you're one of them aren't you? You've got to tell them I'm not gay! You know I'm not gay, right?"

Sakura's eye twitched. "One of them?" she asked in a carefully even tone. "You're so--" she stopped. Not annoying. Something didn't hurt to repeat, "--stupid." She punched him in the arm. Hard. Naruto didn't refuse to fight Sakura because she was a girl and he liked her. He refused to fight Sakura because she was vicious.

In a world where everyone is human, and nobody's a ninja, Sakura still probably couldn't win in a fight against Naruto or Sasuke, but she could totally hit hard enough to make herself look good.

"I-I don't think you're gay, Naruto-kun," Hinata stammered.

Well. She hopes he's not gay, anyway.

"Really? Thanks, Hinata-chan!" Naruto replied, rubbing his arm.

"Coulda fooled me," Ino said.

"What was that?" Naruto spun to scowl at Ino again.

"You stole Sasuke-kun's first and second kisses," Ino pointed out. "It's a lost cause. We need a new target."

I see Ino and Sakura as being tenacious, but if Sasuke was gay, they might actually have to concede defeat. I see Ino conceding more than Sakura--but in this 'verse, there is no Team 7, so Sakura would be much more willing to admit defeat. In my head-canon, anyway.

"I propose the Hyuuga," Temari interjected. Naruto was officially no longer a point of interest.

Hinata opened her mouth to protest. "It's alright, Hinata. You can still pursue your own goals," Tenten assured her.


"That freak bit you on the neck," Naruto hissed, frantically trying to lean over Sasuke's shoulder to check the wound.

"It wasn't a bite," Sasuke replied. "I think it was a tattoo. And 'that freak' is one of those three, like the principal and your Ero-sennin."

I'm going to pretend I know what I meant by those three. I probably meant those three really famous people who were totally BFFs growing up or something. Obviously, they're all famous and wealthy and really, really cool.

"He's a pedophile."

"I'm seventeen. The word you're looking for is 'ephebophile'--and would you stop that. You're acting like a jealous girlfriend."

I actually only learned that word after I had written this scene, so that line was added in the editing process.

Naruto huffed. "Just making sure you're not rabid or anything," he muttered.

Sasuke moved his hand, pulling down the collar of his shirt. "There."

"Wow," Naruto traced the mark with his thumb. It was apparently round. "It looks pretty cool," he admitted.


A member of Sasuke's fan club stopped them on the way to lunch. The rumors of Sasuke being gay for Naruto had not deterred the entire group, it seemed. Naruto recognized her only as the girl with hair pinker than Sakura's. He was pretty sure Ino despised her with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns, but he had definitely seen Sasuke work with her in class before, so she had to have some redeeming quality. Probably, anyway. Sasuke did not make a whole lot of sense to Naruto most days.

To be fair, Sasuke doesn't make a whole lot of sense to anyone most days. Well, maybe Itachi? But that's it.

Sasuke turned to Naruto as soon as the girl was gone. "We're eating on the roof," he said, taking the next left into a stairwell.

"Why?" Naruto replied, but he was already following Sasuke into the stairwell.

Sasuke stopped to lodge a stray mop behind the door at an angle that would be near impossible, or at least really not worth the effort to jar even the slightest bit loose. "They watch me eat when they send bento," he replied, a definite blush lighting his cheeks.

"Are you actually going to eat it?" Naruto asked. "What if it's drugged? I wouldn't put it past your stalkers to try that. It would look like it was all my fault."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, leading Naruto up the stairs. "It's from Karin, moron. It'll be fine."

I had to stop and think between this and the next scene, about whether Karin would drug Sasuke's food to make Naruto look bad, and y'know? I'm not denying that possibility.


He invited Naruto over on Friday again, though at this point it was practically habit, right in front of--were those friends? Sasuke scowled. If this was another trend he had started, and those guys were going to be gone in two weeks like the Sharpie swirls on girls' necks, heads would fucking roll, he assured himself.

I really tried to clarify as best I could that quite a bit of time has passed, but I'm not sure that got across? Also, if I had been more of a Sasuke fangirl in my weeaboo years, I totally would have had a Sharpie curse seal on my neck. (Instead of the penned Flamel symbol on my hand. FmA was my first love. XD)

"Sure, Sasuke-bastard," Naruto agreed, beaming.

"Man, I thought that was just a rumor," Inuzuka muttered. His dog yipped. How the hell had he sneaked a dog into school?

At this point, Naruto is friends with Shikamaru and Chouji, and they are hanging out with a small group of boys from the original Rookie 9.

"What was?" Naruto asked.

"That Uchiha had a soul," dog-boy replied. Naruto punched him. Sasuke wondered for a moment if this was how the idiot made friends. Then, he decided he didn't care.

"See you after school, dead last," Sasuke called as he walked away.

There was an answering grunt from where he was brawling on the floor with Kiba.

At about this point, Naruto is friends with Shikamaru, Chouji, a few random extras, and Kiba. Because kicking Kiba's ass is totally the way to his heart. Or something.


Naruto punched the foreign exchange student from Suna. He had challenged Sasuke the week before, which had ended inconclusively since his siblings had dragged him off.

In the little expansion of that ED in the anime (Michi ~To You All~) with the high school AU, the Sand trio were actually nerds. I didn't see that video until after I had written this, but before editing, but even so, and despite my love of the nerdy sand siblings, I couldn't just have a Gaara that wasn't totally badass.

Two days later, Gaara of the Suna trio with the scar on his forehead carved out to say "love" (which was pretty much the most twisted thing Sasuke had ever heard of, next to his brother killing his family, and Naruto catching hell for being too much of an idiot to have parents), was officially declared Naruto's other best friend.

Sasuke wasn't even special anymore. He grabbed Naruto's fist later, checking for damage. After the incident with Orochimaru and his experimental... whatever the hell he had used on Sasuke, neither of them had wanted to ever visit the nurse's office. Orochimaru's TA worked in there, and the bastard was at least as creepy as Orochimaru himself, if not more so.

Ahaha, one of my favorite things about this 'verse is Kabuto as Orochimaru's TA and the school nurse. I am so horrified. I would never, ever be sick in school, at all. XD

"What are you doing, asshole?" Naruto demanded with no real heat. He winced when Sasuke pressed a knuckle.

"Checking to see if you keep drugs in your fist," Sasuke replied. He pulled out the gauze he had snatched from Kabuto's desk while the man was out, beginning to wrap Naruto's hand.

Because he knows Naruto would just trust his body to heal itself, no questions asked, rather than go to Kabuto's office. Unfortunately, there is no Kyuubi here. That no longer works. D:

"Drugs?" Naruto asked.

"Everyone you punch joins your fan club. You're keeping them all drugged, right?" Sasuke smirked.

"Obviously didn't work with you," Naruto grumbled. "Maybe I should punch you again."

Sasuke tied off the end. "Well, try to do it when the very idea doesn't make you want to cry like a little girl."

Naruto scowled. "Whatever. Asshole."

Which is SasuNaru for "Aw, really? That's sweet. I love you, too~♥."


The third accidental kiss was probably more questionable in the circumstances surrounding its occurrence, and made Sasuke want to bang his head against a wall, because at that point his life was just a running gag to the gods. The saving grace was that, at least this time, there wasn't an audience.

They had fallen asleep on Sasuke's couch again, shoulder to shoulder and sharing a blanket on the middle cushion.

Naruto wiped the drool off his cheek, the movement waking Sasuke.

"Morning," he mumbled with the kind of sleepy smile Sasuke associated with his dreams. Then, Naruto turned just a bit further and kissed Sasuke. "Ugh, morning breath!" Naruto shouted, recoiling in horror. "Sasuke?" Naruto blinked, suddenly aware of what had just happened. He looked scared shitless.

"Naruto?" Sasuke replied in a considerably more even tone.

"Er--uh, I was still mostly asleep," he said, staring at the floor, his cheeks a flaming red.

"Hn," Sasuke agreed, heading for the bathroom, as usual. He was grateful that Naruto had not seen him lean a little closer, as well, and got into the shower before Naruto could think too much about what had just happened.

This is probably one of my favorite scenes. And also the point of Naruto's gay revelation in my head. Unfortunately, the fic is largely Sasuke-centric, so I never got around to throwing Naruto's gay revelation in here.


"You have a lot of friends, lately," Sasuke pointed out. He stole a floating carrot from Naruto's bowl of ramen. It wasn't like Naruto was going to eat it, anyway.

Also because food always tastes better stolen off someone else's plate.

"Yeah," Naruto agreed, spraying chinks of noodles everywhere. "It's all 'cause of you." He swallowed. "Sakura-chan talked to Ino, who talked to everybody, and now I'm not a deadly contagious disease anymore."

"No," Sasuke replied. "You're still contagious, but people aren't bothered by that anymore." He took another bite of his riceball, stealing a piece of celery next.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Naruto demanded, moving his bowl out of Sasuke's reach.

"Moron," Sasuke told him. "You're friends with half the school, now."

Naruto stared at the sky, his furious hold on his bowl relaxing until it was resting in his lap again. He stared at the sky for a moment, smiling. "I kind of am, huh?"

Sasuke stole another carrot while he was distracted.


The fourth kiss was entirely Sasuke's fault, and at this point, he was beginning to run out of excuses to make the whole thing seem less gay.

Gaara dragged Naruto off to lunch with him something like twice a week, and Sasuke couldn't take another day of Suigetsu and Karin bitching (mostly at each other) while Juugo stared off into the distance, watching the squirrels play on school grounds.

He would never admit that any of that had anything to do with his motivation.

In retrospect, this scene was kind of, um, unclear about why exactly, any of that would affect Sasuke's motivation at all--and it's just because he wants to eat lunch with Naruto in peace. All their lunchtimes together have been dwindling since Naruto got friends other than Sasuke, and Sasuke doesn't love Taka as much when they're not being useful in his quest for revenge. (Or when they're being annoying. I'm pretty sure he still loves them, just. Y'know. Wishes Karin and Suigetsu would shut up already.)

Two of Sasuke's fanclub appeared on the way to the roof, one with a suspicious and very pink envelope in her hand. Rather than deal with it, Sasuke shoved Naruto against the nearest wall and pressed his lips against Naruto's. It was a shitty kiss, but it looked good. A stage kiss. One girl fled down the hallway. Sasuke faced the other one, his eyes cold. "You didn't see anything," he told her. She nodded, following her friend. Her lower lip was trembling.

"What the hell?" Naruto sputtered.

"We won't hear from them for a while," Sasuke replied, immediately feeling stupid for trying such a paper-thin excuse.

"...Some warning next time, geez," Naruto grumbled. At this point, Sasuke realized, kissing him barely registered as offensive anymore. Sasuke didn't know whether to be annoyed or pleased.

Naruto still tasted like miso.

Another nod to that interview excerpt above. XD


"I hear interesting things about you and Naruto-kun," Kakashi commented.

Sasuke grunted. He was the last one in the classroom--just a few more problems. "I hear interesting things about you and Iruka-sensei."

"All of them lies, I'm sure," Kakashi agreed.

Sasuke nodded. "Pretty much." He looked up, meeting Kakashi's eyes as he slid the worksheet into his bag. "You are actually in a relationship with Yamato-sensei, right?"

Kakashi's eye widened. "Touché," he replied.

This is my other favorite scene. I can kind of see the appeal of Kakashi/Iruka? But I've never been a shipper, so when YAmato came along, and Kakashi called him by his first name and Yamato called him sempai... Well, I shipped that a lot easier. This is just as much a shameless plug for my ship as it is a fun way to include Kakashi as more than just a background character. And I have to have Kakashi as more than a background character. <3


"Hey, I'm going to hang out with Gaara and Kankuro tonight, are we still good for tomorrow morning?" Naruto leaned over Sasuke's desk, bracing himself on the sides.

Sasuke experienced a brief shock of fear, then hope as the familiarity of the situation dawned on him. It was exactly like the first incident all over again. Then, he registered what Naruto had actually said. "Hn."

Since they're not twelve when the accidental kiss happened, I have troubles seeing Naruto actually squatting on the desk in front of Sasuke, so this was my way of compromising.

"Cool," Naruto replied, standing up, leaving Sasuke awash in relief. The danger had passed.

Then, as if to remind Sasuke that yes, the universe did hate him, Kankuro appeared behind Naruto and slapped him on the back hard enough to throw him off balance.

Sasuke moved his lips this time when they connected, just to see if Naruto would notice. The look in his eyes as he stood up said that he probably had, but even Naruto knew better than to start that kind of discussion in the middle of a crowded classroom.

Poor Sasuke's balls are blue, blue, blue like Naruto's eyes at this point. XD


"Hey," Naruto called, not bothering to knock. He kicked off his shoes at the door. Sasuke padded out of his bedroom still toweling his hair dry. He had not bothered to put on a shirt yet, though he was wearing his second-favorite pair of pajama bottoms. Naruto's eyes lingered on his bare chest.

"Those are my pants," Sasuke pointed out. They were his favorite pair of pajama bottoms, in a dark blue-bordering-on-black. They looked good with Naruto's blindingly orange t-shirt.

Naruto looked down. "I wondered where they came from."

Sasuke rolled his eyes, heading for the coffee maker. Naruto followed. "God, it smells so good. Why is your coffee always the best?" he moaned.

Sasuke allowed himself an inward smile.

"So, uh," Naruto began, breathing in the scent of fresh coffee. "There's no way to ask this that doesn't sound weird. Um, yesterday, when Kankuro pushed me..."

Sasuke handed him the mug with the little orange fox on it. It was Naruto's favorite to steal from Sasuke's cabinet. "What?" he prompted. This was going to be bad, he could feel it.

"Did--did your lips move when we crashed? And Tuesday with those two girls in the hallway-- There had to be a better way to turn them down. Like, verbally."

I debated for a moment over whether Naruto would use a word like "verbally." By the time I got to that point in the editing, though, I kind of wanted to puke over how many times I'd read this. XD

"Five times, Naruto," Sasuke replied. "And you have never once tried to dodge."

And they both have ninja-like reflexes. Which begs the question of why it worked in canon, actually. Maybe they were just so close there was no time to dodge? Still. they're ninja. They should be able to dodge anything. I'm pretty sure it's in the job description.


Naruto sat on Sasuke's couch, a bag of ice on his knuckles. "Damn, " he whined. "That was rougher than usual. Are you pissed I asked earlier?"

"No," Sasuke replied. His lip was split. It had already begun to swell a bit.

Naruto stared at the ceiling for a moment until Sasuke sat on the couch beside him, a pack of ice in his hand, as well. "But you are pissed," he said. It wasn't a question. Then, "Why?"

Sasuke stared at him for a few seconds. "It's nothing," he lied, but something must have shown on his face, because Naruto's eyes widened comically as he blurted, "You're jealous!"

"No, I'm not," Sasuke snapped a little too quickly to be plausible.

"Yes, you are!" Naruto crowed. "You've been touchy all morning, and it's because we didn't wake up together on your couch, isn't it? You're jealous I went with Gaara and Kankuro last night, and all week you've been weird. You're jealous."

"No. I'm not," Sasuke repeated, this time more slowly.

Naruto was grinning--the same ridiculous, triumphant grin he wore when he won something, or pulled off a prank without getting caught. I kind of want to write teh fic where he drags Sasuke into helping out with a prank, but I suck at inventing pranks, so I haven't yet. He set his ice pack on the coffee table, ignoring Sasuke's protests about moisture and damage as he took Sasuke's ice pack, too. Seriously, put that ice pack on a coaster, or something, Naruto! He straddled Sasuke's hips so he couldn't get away. "You're blushing," he taunted, moving one hand up to cup Sasuke's cheek. Then he hesitated. "If I'm really wrong and you're not just doing your macho denial thing, feel free to knock me across the room before this gets any weirder." I seriously almost had Sasuke knock him across the room anyway.

Sasuke finally met his eyes, then reached for the front of Naruto's shirt, pulling him into a searing kiss.


Monday, Sasuke was assaulted at his desk by Naruto again.

"Hey, did you do that assignment for Yamato-sensei over the weekend?" Naruto asked.

"I don't have Yamato-sensei's class," Sasuke reminded him.

AHAHAH, continuity nod. See what I did thar? And Taka would be the ones who had Orochimaru's class, too, and certainly not Naruto or Sakura. Suigetsu only has it because of a scheduling mistake. He totally hates Orochimaru.

Naruto paused, visibly thinking. "Oh," he said after a moment. "Where's Sakura-chan?"

Before he could get away, Sasuke grabbed his wrist. Gaara had walked into the room. "Hm? You want somethin', bastard?"

Sasuke grabbed his tie, yanking Naruto to Sasuke's level and crushing their lips together. Naruto sank into the kiss eagerly, ignoring a feminine yell and two outraged cries.

The outraged cries were not necessarily also female. I imagine one may have been Kiba yelling "Oh, gross, get a room," or something of the like.

When they finally separated, most of the classroom was staring at them. "You know," Naruto whispered with all of his usual subtlety, which was none, "that was totally unnecessary. Gaara's going out with Lee."

"Whatever," Sasuke replied. "No more stalking."

Like it's not totally obvious at this point, but Gaara/Naruto is my second-favorite ship, and my love of SasuNaru and GaaraNaru is only topped by my love for Sasuke vs Gaara.


He was, of course, horribly wrong. There were still girls following Sasuke, but now they carried cameras.

This line was an afterthought. Just a way to make the fic end on a funny note and feel like it was really over, for real. And this line alone has received more attention at FFnet than the rest of this entrie fic. Also, interestingly enough, this fic got waaaaay more attention on LJ than anything else I have written. On FFnet? Notsomuch. In fact, only a few people have even bothered commenting. It has received a billion and one favorites, though.

Also, I totally wasn't kidding. Tell me why you liked this fic so much. What are the flaws? This is seriously the most confusing thing I have ever thrown out to the wolves internets.
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